Hi Friends.

I have been away for quite awhile now for so many reasons and even I as I am write now, the demon that is depression is trying to weight on me but I will be stronger. As the year comes to an end the pressure to do good in 2019 is growing a well. Depression is a b**ch!183CD8CA-8781-47B7-84CF-2CED1C728177

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Yes, it is to fall into it and not realize it. I woke up some mornings feeling like I wasn’t myself,  as if I need to be awaken from a suffocating horrible shadow upon me. It felt as if I didn’t want to get up from my bed and that nothing mattered. Then out of nowhere tears and, o would cry for no reason, wipe my tears seat up and start cleaning around me. Imagine feeling worthless like your existence didn’t matter like you were worthless,  Imagine you are being choked you have the power to safe yourself but you stay motionless. That’s how I felt now and then.

My saviors have been and still are my faith in the highest power, my désir to fight, my find like for exercising( yep I’m now a gym rat) and music (mostly afrobeat) I would just Chanel my energy into being a better me get up go to the gym and take care of business. I have to say, I do allow myself to cry and with each tears goes the pressure inside my entire body.

Some days are good and so days are bad. Knowing that a ugly does not have to stay one is key. I try to make the best of everything by learning to think positive thoughts. I know what I want and I will get it as long as I do not let fear lead me to sink. 

How do tou fight depression? How do you deal with a bad day? 

What are your thoughts on how I deal with mine?


My Weight Loss Journey: Some Secrets

I have asked my self this question so many time. Is there a secret to losing weight and if yes what is it. What should I do to lose weight? How do I start the process and how do I stick to it until I get to my desired goal? Now, do not get me wrong there are many easy ( or not ) ways to achieve weight loss. Here is my secret to losing weight.

First, decide to lose weight for YOURSELF and no one else. when I embarked in my weight loss journey it was my choice to do it to please “me” by  finally accepting myself the way I am. Accepting the way I look realizing that people will only treat me the way I feel about myself. If I feel ugly then that’s how and what others will see, but if I feel beautiful people will see it too. ( if they don’t it’s simply because they feel ugly themselves and that ugliness is what they see in others, like it is said beauty is in the eyes of the beholder)

Second, decide your game plan. For me I decided to join de gym and controlling my diet. Going to the gym is not just walking on the treadmill or using any other machine available. In my case when I get to the gym I do some walking/jogging, HIIT which is high intensity interval  class, boxing then weight train. On days where I feel good, I do HIIT plus cycling or another high intensity class. I try to go 5days a week and for 2months I’m being trained 2days of the 5days. Saturday’s and Sundays are my resting days but I still try to stay active. All the working out would be useless if what I eat is not controlled. Again as far as I am concern I do not deprive myself I eat what I want just in smaller portions, I drink water and I allow myself a cheat day.

Weight training 📸@hani_badass


Third and last, do not condemn yourself for falling off the wagons and having to start all over again. I started diets and quit and started over and over again. The goal is to not give up and to get back up and do it again until you finally don’t stop and reach your goal. I will share wit you in another post my ups and downs since I have been on my weight loss journey.

The secret to losing weight is very simple and in all honesty it is but at the same time it is a painful road with a great reward at the end. Results are really rewarding, seeing the difference in how you looked when you started and how you look now is motivation to push harder to reach my goal.

Do share with me your journey and what you do differently to reach your dream weight in the comment section. lets encourage each other and share tips on how to achieve what we want.

Thank you


My weight loss Journey….

Hello friends ,

As promised I will be sharing with you the steps I’m taking and my progress on my new journey to weight loss. I have to honest with you all along and tell you about my real feelings and my ups and downs. Yesterday for example, I went out with my sister to a park called the Leimer park in Los Angeles to an African drumming class then to a enjoy the drum circle where all drummers come together and play and everyone is welcomed to dance or drum as well.

I was having fun when looking at all the beautiful sistahs skinny or less fat then I and I felt self conscious about the way I looked which led to doubts. I started asking myself if i would be able to lose the weight and if I would be strong enough to push myself to reach my goal. I can’t lie, I cried and felt a heavy cloud over my head.

I don’t know how but I had to shake my head I tell myself that I can’t give myself a time frame. I just need to take it one day at the time and not stop until I get the result I want. So there is no one month from now or two months from now or a year from now, it TODAY I’m making a change.

Tip: letting go of time frame, I’m eating right today and I’m exercising today. Results might not be immediate but there will be results. Just do not give up



My Weight Loss Journey

100kg 100kg 100kg in a rhythmic cadence is how kids used to call me. I was the biggest child on the playground and even though I didn’t feel that way all the other kids saw me as big bowl full of soup (another song created by kids to mock me)

My name is Jessica a.k.a Seidowhi, I have always been a big girl. From the time I was a baby through out my elementary to college years. I always had to fight demons in my head to feel better about my self and believe me god was part of my daily routine. I remember one day as a kid. It was time for back to school shopping and since that year I did not get any clothes made, my parents were ordering from a catalogue. when it was my turn to pick, there was not big size for the pretty little dresses or skirts that I wanted. I had to shop in the ladies section. I remember living my parents room crying because  all I ended up with was a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. I was devastated, ran to my room got on my knees and called on God.

Me: Father God please I’m begging of you. I never asked to be born this way why do I have to be the only one going through this. why I’m am so big God? Why cant I be as skinny as my sisters and get pretty dresses? what did I do wrong ? why are punishing me? please God if you love me the way they say you love all kids please do a miracle right now and change me into a skinny girl.

That was my prayer that day I cried and begged for a miracle and ended up thinking that maybe He did not love me enough.

Growing up was a constant battle in my head from the aunties

Them: wow you are too big you need to stop eating so much or you will never get a husband. No men want a big woman, don’t you know they like skinny girls, Look at your cousin how pretty she is skinny and tall. cant you be like her.

Me: ok aunty

I would smile then ran to a hidden place and cry my eyes off. I tried every diet I could land my hands on, I even fasted 7days on water and prayer for a miracle.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago I have decided to change my life for the better not for anyone eyes or comfort but for me myself and I. Not only I’m changing my diet (intermittent fasting) but now I have also joined the gym.let my journey begin 😊

Follow me for tips and updates on how I’m doing and together let change our lives!


The Secret Of Starting A YouTube Channel

YouTube as we see it grown a lot over the years and is still growing giving millions of people like you and I an opened door to the world to learn, discover or teach. I discovered YouTube a little bit more than 6 years ago trying to distract myself from a heart break by occupying every second of my time. I was on YouTube so much that they contacted me asking if I was interested in becoming a partner. Offer which I turned down because of FEAR. I will be honest that little 4letters word has kept me from so many good things and sitting thing about it would really be a waste of my precious time. One thing for sure is that dealing with fear and missing so much opportunity has pushed me but also taught me a lot. It’s no secret if you ask me and the secret to it not being a secret is …. Well

Fear is a part of us, as kids we learn fear and once its learned our brain is programmed to that feeling especially every time we are faced with the unknown. We fear the possibility of failing, would I be able to? a lot of what if ? Most of these questions are caused by fear in a good way and for good reasons believe it or not. The feeling of fear is a protection mechanism to keep us from being hurt whether physically or emotionally. My goal here is really to tell you that fear is in us, it’s part of us and there is really no way to make it disappear.

The secret to deal with it and for the purpose of this blog, the secret for you to start a YouTube channel is to just do it with the feeling of fear inside of you. Fear will make you think like people will laugh at you or that you are not good enough or that maybe you don’t have everything you need to start. A long with all the questions a the fear just DO IT.

I don’t have a good camera. A smart phone is good enough ( iPhone or not ). I myself I’m using my iPhone and I know when the time comes I will be able to afford a camera.

I don’t have a good setting or lighting. To be honest you can film in a very small tiny spot in your room, put a blanket of your choice behind you and do what you have to do. Tomorrow will be better and you will appreciate how far you have come.

It will be hard, yes! so what, nothing good comes easy and if you want it bad enough you will have to just do it.

So ready, set , Gooooooooooooo!

Thank you!



Hey friends, have ever hear that “your eyes are the open door to your soul” ? Well I have and so I believe that if my eyes are the door to my soul may as well make it look good. One way to do that, I found was to have great looking eyebrows. I like them to look natural especially when I know I’m not making up my whole face.

Here I share with you what I use to get them done and how I get them done after they have been waxed by my go to lady that shape them for me.

Products Used:7C0A0CA5-47F9-496B-9112-284662FDD201

  • Spoolie brush
  • Angle brush
  • Wet n wild  brown eyeliner
  • Black Radiance True complexion bb cream

First, I brush in my brows to put them in placeDF1ED7F3-CFB7-46E9-8F52-67C58A60FABC

Then with my Wet n Wild eyeliner I fill them in using a short stroke motion until I’m satisfied with the result.D7E97C20-D78E-4AAF-A7F8-77DC41D46122

After that, using my angle brush and a bit of my bb cream I contour, clean and shape them for a natural looking brows ( unless I’m making up all my face )B9A68DDF-8595-452D-8FF1-FC4A2D8E8249.jpeg

Finished look:1826C9EA-A5F4-4A5E-9A89-9D73B1B10F87

Thank you


Best Way To Propose To Your Girl

I have always been a sucker for romantic movies or  stories, especially the ones that end up with a fairytale proposal then a wedding. The many ways in which the gentleman always proposes never comes as a surprise. I am honestly tired of birthday proposals, family and friends gathering proposals. These are not the only way, be creative.

Now in my humble opinion it is best when the proposal comes as a surprise and your belle knows absolutely nothing about it

Proposal #1: Hire a band to play one of her favorite songs ( street mob style ) and as you are walking down to her, have friends or family members appear from nowhere turn toward her and say words that you describe her as ( beautiful, queen, intelligent, best friend, partner….) Imagine the surprise! You then get on your knee as she wonders what is going on and you ask her to bless you by becoming forever yours.

Proposal #2: This is the day you have decided to ask her to grace you by becoming your wife and of course she has no idea. You met her or simply pick her up for a normal or usual diner date ( lunch date or breakfast date ).  Do no go for the repetitive or the deja vue ring in the her glass or the she opens her plate to find the ring. It is boring and if she is observant as I am, she would see the ring as her drink is being served. hold on! eat your meal,  keep a normal conversation going and act normal. After you have paid for your meals and are ready to leave, get the attention of everyone in the room, tell her how much you love her, call out her name as you get to one knee and ask her to be your wife

Proposal #3: Summer proposal. It is summer time and the whole family, hers and yours have gathered for a nice barbeque. Chicken wings,  hot links and steaks on the grill releasing   smoky aroma in the air. Music is playing and the kids are running and jumping while the kings are playing dominoes and jisting about their latest conquest. Now is the time before food is ready. You call on your queen to join you and ask everyone else to come closer. She looks into your eyes to figure out what is going on but before she says a word you get on your knees and ask her to forever be your queen.

Proposal #4: When you are ready to get to that level and you know she is the one for you, here how you should propose. She came to visit as usual for a simple day that would perhaps end with her spending the night. You have made the day beautiful by taking her anywhere she wants to go (nothing out of the ordinary) or you have taken her to a new adventure or again you have simply spent the day lounging in the house. As the day is over the both of you go to bed (separate rooms or not). while asleep, slip that ring on her finger and go back to sleep. You will know you made her day when you hear her scream on top of her lung the next day when she realizes that you have put a ring on. it

Proposai #5: Simply propose on your birthday since she is thinking of celebrating you on the day you were born surprising with a proposal on that special day will make it one she will never forget.

Let the wedding plans begin!

Thank You


Perhaps you have a more romantic or a dreamed way of one day being proposed to. Please share with us in the comment below. The best one I chose will be featured in my next post here and on my Instagram story. At you laptop, write, send!

5 Area To Spray Perfume On Your Body

Hello Everyone! happy to have you back on my page. If you are like me you love stepping out of the house, passing by someone or give a huge to someone you know and Smell good. You honestly enjoy the : “ummmm you smell good” or the “what perfume are you wearing” comments to which you gladly respond with a smile and a boots of confidencepexels-photo-935973.jpeg

Until a few years ago, I would shower myself in a body spray or perfume to point where I would have to cough or gasp for hair. Being allergic made the whole experience unbearable until I found out about these specific targeted points or parts of your body you need to spray and not worry about putting too much, too little or sneezing.allergy-cold-disease-flu-41284.jpeg

Here are the five specific part:

  1. Behind your ears, the perfect place for when you get a hug or a sweet romantic neck kiss from your partner
  2. Inside your elbows. somehow it makes the smell evaporates to surround you
  3. On your wrist, dab or spray a small amount and rub both sides together.
  4. Behind our knee, you wouldn’t think about it but it is an important spot to spray.
  5. last but not least for all my ladies in between your breast

Do these along with walking into a sprayed area for an all day smell good without the spray or perfume over powering you or whom ever pass beside you.


My Black Panther Movie Experience

Black Panther came out last month and since then, it has been a « WAKANDIAN » type of revolution going on. I myself went and treated myself to the movies and believe me it was more than I had expected it would be. I imagine a it to be more like the King Lion type of scenery and magical story to it but, I was surprisingly and wonderfully wrong. The BLACK PANTHER movie was more.

Lets start with the sceneries, all magical and futuristic a delight to my eyes, the location, Wakanda is paradise on earth

The costumes are OMG gorgeously well designed and reflect the some of Africa countries.

The story line in my opinion was not too intriguing, it didn’t make my brain work but the message behind it was right on. It addressed most important issues within the “black” and African communities then and today. It reminded me a the story I was told about my dear country of Benin, Cotonou. The story before and how it was colonized by the French ( learn more about it in my blog)

The power of the technology displayed and most importantly the young black lady behind it all was nothing but a testimony to how creative we are as “Black” people. To say the least we are behind the greatest creation none to this day even though the inventors have not been recognized.22A73259-8B31-4CB1-9270-813775D4B389

Last but not least the actors and actresses were great, for those that were not from the African continent itself were able to embody the the character the played so well and even the accent was on point.

As I walked out of the theater that night, I came out proud of my culture and of where I came from. I held my head up and walk with audacity. I AM AFRICAN, BENINESE THE ANCIENT DAHOMEY A QUEEN AND PROUD TO BE 😉

Thank you



5 sexy things you don’t about me


5- My Eye as you can see in the above Picture, is one of the sexiest things about me. whether I’m wearing makeup or not, I’ve been told that my eye were beautiful. Looking at them you can’t denied the sense of flirtation behind them.


4- My Big Cheeks which you can see better see in the video below. A great gift I inherited from my meme(grandmother in french)  on my father side of the family. You can easily tell when I’m smiling from behind, because my cheek will betray me.



My Hair is all natural and as many may say, I’ve come back to it after years of using the “creamy crack” . I won’t and can’t lie the journey is not the easiest but a necessary one. I like my, it is thick, long, versatile and yes! It is in my humble opinion sexy.


I’m so Goofy, it’s sexy. Now you really have to know me to discover that I am a goofball and yes I love to laugh and make my loved ones laugh as well. It makes me happy, relax and Sexy at the same time


Last but not least my body need not to say, my curves are one sexy aspect about moi.I got front and back so I work with what Maman gave me.

Thank you